i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
