If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
