I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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