well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
