Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize