Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
