Define "chronic" masturbator.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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