just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
