i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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