she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
