This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize