video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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