Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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