Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize