ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
