Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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