hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Holy sore nipples Batman
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
