She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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