I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
