Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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