OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Randomize
