trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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