I must be too annoying 4 u.
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
