Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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