I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
