Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
