what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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