I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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