How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
