her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
