I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
