chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
