I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
