You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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