Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
