Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i wish my penis had a tongue
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
