I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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