The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize