i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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