their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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