I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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