remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
My penis needs a shock collar
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Randomize
