just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
