im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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