Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
she peed on how many people?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize