He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
