I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Randomize
