woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
