My room smells like vodka and shame
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
