We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
