You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
