I skipped work to stalk him.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
