Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
