i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
