besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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