I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
