You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
