got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
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