I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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