Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
