The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Sober January is a disaster.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
