Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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