my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
