i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
