Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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