Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
17 year olds will be the death of me.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
