we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
you traded sex for a burrito?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize