Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
