i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
