I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Who died my cat blue again?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
