I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
