i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
