I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I think people are normalizing furries
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
