she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
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