i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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