The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
