i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
