I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize