i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
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