he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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