yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Randomize